5 posts tagged “homebirth”

Well I'm 21 weeks along now. getting fat and uncomfortable. but I should know better than to claim that at a mere 5 months! if I'm uncomfortable now, I will be miserable by 8 months!

this baby kicks more at 5 months than the other two. it will be quiet... so very quiet for hours. and I will actually think "wow that baby is quite right now". and then it hits 9pm and kaboom! I'm being kicked every bit as hard as when I was 8 months along with my others.

Sean calls the baby "the twins". not b/c I'm having twins, but b/c it freaks me out. having twins isn't a bad thing, surely. but it's just too much of a good thing I think heh. I would love any amount of babies i get, but it's my sincere wish to only have 1 at a time. I told Sean if I had two, one is going to be completely his. heh. he can mother that one, b/c mothering one newborn at a time is hard enough work! ;)

I'm finally off of most of my meds but I still take dandelion root everyday. I tried weaning off but my stomach was NOT happy. I have reflux as all sorts of other nasty symptoms. ick. so back on that I went. but that's ok. it's really the unisom that bothers me. I mean it is a sleeping medicine, so it has that pesky side effects of making you sleeping. 3 times a day? and then I have the personality of a cardboard box, really. but now I just take it like every other night or so. this is the longest I've ever been on meds. I was off by 15 weeks with both of the other two.

it's hard for me to realize this baby will actually be born. with Eli and Eva everything was exciting and new and "wow I'm going to have a baby". but this time I'm busy with mothering the two I have that I tend to think of pregnancy as some kinda permanent condition, often not thinking I only have 4-ish months left until I'm a mother of 3. 3! now this is no biggie for someone who is already a mother of 3... but it's my first time, so excuse me while I adjust to it a bit.  am I excited? yes! am I looking fwd to meeting this new one? yep! am I totally loving every single second of being a mom of two until this ne one comes? certainly am! I remember after havign Eva I realized i should have enjoyed being a mother of 1 while it was that way... but i was so excited about the new one coming it's all I could think of. now? I'm just taking it day by day.

my mom got the baby a ton of clothes from the thrift store. some brand new! boys and girls clothing b/c I don't know what I'm having. total score! I've been working on washing them and setting them aside. this baby wont have a nursery, atleast not at first, just a cradle and crib in our bedroom. and probably a dresser. so i don't have much set up there! I need a carseat, and dresser, and a few other things. ok actually a lot of things. I need a swing too (one baby gadget I don't want to live without!), a baby carrier (ergo, perhaps?) cloth diapers (probably prefolds and fuzzi bunz), spit up rags (cheapo gerber prefolds work well), crib for our room, more baby clothing, baby bunting/light coat/swaddling wrap, etc etc etc. is it wrong to have a baby shower with your 3rd child? tacky? well I'm hoping someone out there doesn't think so! b/c it's been 4.5 years since my last and we don't have a thing left from that except a 4.5 yr old girl =P

ok this is the part where i get a little panicky realizing i have a lot to do and aquire before this baby comes. lol. but luckily I don't have to worry about anything hospital related. no registrations or packing a duffle bag, or OB appointments. nope none of that. because we're having this one at home. ahhh what relief! takes a lot of your mind. worrying about making it to the hospital in time. and frankly riding in the car when you're contracting every 3 minutes is a nightmare! I'm looking fwd to labouring and birthing at home. no annoying nurses to hook me up to stupid monitors that go "PING". (sorry- that was a monty python reference there...) no IVs. no person telling me I'm labouring incorrectly (as if there is such a thing!) and nobody to bother me. love it! my eyes were opened when I started attending hospital births and homebirths. the difference!! the baby comes out so calm and attentive at home. healthy looking. like they just are like "hey mom and day. nice to meet ya". no one to poke them with a hep vax in their first hour of life. (I mean freaking, really... how is an hr old newborn going to contract Hep B!?) and no one to threaten you with cesareans when you "take too long". really? too long? how about I'll tell you when it's been too long and we'll take it from there? sheesh!

ok call me a little cynical. (or a lot). but I am so done with hospitals. would I go if something were medically wrong? sure I would! but pregnany and birthing are not medical conditions. and they aren't even illnesses. ;)  Believe it or not, I'm pretty well educated on it. working as a doula, childbirth educator and instructer of a birthing circle for several years - I've managed to learn a thing or two about pregnancy, birth, and post partum periods. but you know what's help me learn the most valuable stuff? just being a human being. female. yep. just realizing God created me a woman and He's pretty smart. knowing that God is in control of every single life. the author of every book. that knowledge  - as simple as it sounds - has more value to it then any degree I could put behind my name. go figure! that little simplistic knowledge could save us all lots of money and worry. 

***disclaimer, I have nothing against people choosing hospital births! to each their own!! I stand behind anyone's educated decision. but my educated decisions is not a hospital. I've tried it twice and didn't like it either time. it got a fair shake from me. for what it's worth I also don't like the state of Ohio, but if you wanna live there, be my guest! more power to ya =P

****secondary disclaimer. if you're thinking "but don't you know babies die at home!?" or "that is a very dangerous idea..." or  "I knew a lady and her baby turned our brain dead b/c she was born at home..." or  any other such thing. please, before you comment or jump to that conclusion take into consideration three things:

I just came across this site. so far I really like it. no unnecessarily graphic pictures (which is a huge annoyance to me when sharing the website with members of the opposite sex!) 

I can't tell you how many times i have come across sites that claims to promote "Woman centered birth"...  Where do I begin? first off bringing a newborn child into a family should never be centered around any one family member. YES it comes via the mom, but it is an experience for the whole family (which could be the dad and possibly other siblings and in some cases grandparents and friends..). There is nothing as miraculous as being the mother - birthing a chid out of your own body! what a wonder! it is a joy (and hard work) to bring a child in this world! it should be celebrated and enjoyed! a woman should feel proud to have been able to bring her child into this world having nourishing it through her body for 9 months and then bring it to her breast to nurse it and help it grow into a toddler and soon one day, an adult. bring a new being into this world is beautiful!

... but this idea of woman centered birth is just plain ridiculous. it's downright selfish. we fight so hard to have "equal rights", and now we just keep on going. we don't want equal rights - we want better! b/c we are mothers! *eyeroll*  I'm actually quite sick of this ideal! and it's just a false notion of what one wishes would be. truth is God designed it that we need others during pregnancy, labour, delivery and birth. sometimes, it's our husbands. sometimes our children, and sometimes it's just between a mother and God. but we are never the only one there.

What an insult it must be to God to create this child and put it in a womb and have a mother take all the glory!  God gives us these children to raise and grow. how hurt He must feel when we take all the glory for creating these beautiful little human beings.

not to mention how it must feel to the dad... has anyone said to these dad's how they myst feel victim to they're child's "woman centered birth"? I can't imagine how hurt i would feel how degraded and unimportant... and uninvolved i would feel to have my spouse claim the birth of our child was all about them. this sets a dangerous tone for the beginning of parenting.

I don't think any woman claims to want or promotes "woman centered birth" for the purpose of excluding other or making the dad feel unwanted. I assume they get to wrapped up in themselves, their feelings, and their needs they honestly don't think much about the dad's. I don't think it's a problem of bad intentions, but more a problem of inexperience at best and selfishness at worse. these blogs i read talking about it often say "of course there is also a place for dad, but..."  always followed by a  "but". as if to say "yes I recognize this is his child too... but it's more mine"
ugh.

the most beautiful births I have ever been to (including a very good friend of mine) where family centered births. the woman was knowledgeable, and the dad was right there experiencing the awe and wonder of the birthing process alongside the mom. It was a journey they took together; both with different but important roles. and it is BEAUTIFUL!  of course births can be different, sometimes the couple decide the father should take a bigger role than others at certain parts. some dads are "get in there and get your hands dirty" kinda guys, and some just stand by and smile - emotionally and spiritually supporting the mother. every couple is different and has different needs and desires. this sets a high functioning tone to start our parenting. these are the couples that raise their children together. that communicate and are happy.

ok... so a few weeks ago I had the pleasure of attending a birth for a friend. namely as a friend with doula/birth knowledge more than a doula. (I was very hands off during the labour) This is 4th time mom and she knew the drill... just wanted some support for her homebirth. (ahem: no midwife was there ...shhhh!  ;)

anyhow it was a wonderful experience for everything. myself included! I'm a homebirth kinda girl. I normally work hospitals... but my heart really is in homebirthing. I take any and every chance I get to attend them. it was esp fun attending for a good friend. how neat to know everyone well before the birth! I want as many as I can get under my belt, and I'm a big believer in friends doing things for friends. I love that sorta thing. (of course I can't do everything for free... I do need to eat! but homebirths for close friends is an exception right now hehe)

so about a month later said friend emails me saying she has a "doula gift" for me. she'll bring it to the Birthing Circle meeting next week. cool! I thought. figuring it would be a picture of us all after the birth - perhaps framed. I love gifts!

so... fast fwd a bit... she hands me a bag. a framed photo shaped bag, I thought as I sized it up, and then I open it and instead of seeing of photo of her newest one... I see... A CAMERA!!!!
not just a camera... and awesome camera!!! with video and sound and everything i could possibly want in a little point in shoot!

what?!? I screamed a bit and was so overwhelmed i could hardly talk. how did she know I wanted a camera? what posessed her to by me such a perfect gift? she tells me her husband remembered me joking about how silly it is that I'm a photographer's wife but have no camera (I make that joke often - you know... the cobblers children have no shoes!) and they figured I would like that gift a lot.

well, my friend, you are right!! I am reveling in taking pictures! and videos! I LOVE it!!! still thinking about it I get teary eyed. it meant so much to me! that goes on record as one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever received =)

(as soon as I figure out this new computer of ours, and as soon as Sean isn't so busy fixing it up just so, I will post pictures... lots of them!)

I found out one of my good doula friends. (as in a good friend, not a good doula... thought she is also a good doula!) is pregnant with her first baby. so exciting! she was beaming with that nervous glow on her face that every first time mama has. the first pregnancy is so exciting, a scary and worrisome and wonderful.

it's like a first kiss, you never enjoy it as much as you wish you had in retrospect. but then again you're not experience enough in pregnancy to know what you should be enjoying.

my first pregnancy I dmit wasn't much enjoying. I'm a lucky duck who gets Hyperemesis gravidarum - which in english just means I puke so much with out stopping I have to be hospitalized and get IV treatment for a few weeks before I calm down. happened in both my pregnancies. it's a major ordeal and very hard on everyone in my family. we wanted a lot of kids... ok well I wanted a lot of kids, at one point... but now I don't know. who knows. maybe... but it's hard to parent when you're so ill for 9 months of the year!

anyhow I said all that to say there was still many things I wish I had known to enjoy. like the feeling the baby move, and being able to just laydown and read a book or fold baby clothes and dream to myself about the new baby to come. with my second pregnancy I was so busy I didn't have much daydreaming time!

This coming month I've been invited to attend the homebirth a a good friend's baby. I am WAY excited. it's wonderful to be able to attend your friend's birth. what a bonding experience! getting to be abel to help women thru birth is not only a good feeling but a blessing. you get to take home a tiny bit of that joy with you. you are witness to a miraculous experience! how can you not go home feeling a little warm after wards? nothing makes you feel closer to god than death and birth. your own and others. it's a beautiful thing.

a little while ago I was reading through a blog of a homebirther. she mentioned she had 4 sucessful homebirths as well as 2 miscarriages at home. she wrote with such respect and honor in her words.

This really stuck out to me. it's a common thing for people to question homebirth. "it's dangerous" or "what if the baby dies?"... the list goes on of both comments and critism. but see the thing is with homebirthers... it's not just about just giving birth at home. it's not just about convience, it's not just because it's easier. it's not about being selish. it's about being selfless. about knowing the life inside you is not you're own to do with as you please. it's a life that deserves honor and respect and if it's fate and destiny are already decided. that what will be should be.

it struck me at how much this mama truly loved and respected her kids.. even when she lost them so early.

it's not to say mothers who birth in other places than a home are selfish or wrong, (I had two hospital births myself before I was a doula) but to say there is some truly beautiful about a mother who trusts God and life and follows it's lead. something I personally realize I was missing in my births. I did not have that kind of peace and trust, hospital or not.

i don't judge where people birth. I don't know the inner most thoughts and intentions of others. their thoughts or intent or their hearts and I would bever assume that responsibility. All I know is my own heart. I will labour with a mom where she is, and where she needs me. I do not aim to dictate where any woman should be in their births, (though I do have strong opinions about the standard practices of some places). I love birth and I love to support woman no matter where they are...

but there will always be a special place in my heart for those who choose to birth at home.

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so I am edited this post b/c last night I thought of a few things I left out. I was concerned this post would be taken as that the only reason I think people choose homebirth is a matter of trust in God/life. There is of course much mroe to it! many people feel homebirth is much safer! (for instance a baby is familiar with the germs in it's own home but by bringing it into a hospital you expose it to such a wide variety of new germs all at once and it can be very harmful even deadly to a newborn baby! ever notice that if you take your kid to a well visit at the doctors they always seem to bring home a cold?...) There are many many respectable reasons people feel homebirthing is safer for their kids. and to be honest I have to say I'm partial to that ideal. Yes some children do die, or get sick at home. but the truth is there is many more than die that are not born at home. death is a part of life. and some people feel it's their duty to try and prevent that at all cost, other's believe it is their duty to respect life by only intervening if abslutely nessecary.

my opinion is it's a matter of opinion. it's a personal choice. People have said to me "how would you feel if your baby died while being birthed at home?" to which I say "the same way I'd feel if it died being birthed at a hospital or birthing center - horrible".

the cost of intervention and life saving standards are also it's downfall. you can not control life. perhaps it seems you can, but truth is you can't. Life in my opinion isn't in our control. and if it were I dare say none of us would allow our children to ever become sick, sad, or hurt.

to truly live, one must take risks. I can't deny there are risks associated with homebirth. I also can not deny there are risks associated with hospital birth. plain and simple there are ricks associated with birth.

I could go on about this forever, but it's not about voicing my opinion. my point was to say there is more to most things than meets the eye.

*** someone commented to me that they know many people who's lives and children's lives were saved b/c thet birthed in a hospital. I'm sure this is true! I can't pass judgment on that statement as I don't know the  scenrios. but I can say that I know of many babies who have died for all sorts of reasons that being in a hospital could and did not prevent. I know of many babies who's lives were put at risk from being born in a hospital/public setting. and the many complications that come from contracting diseases, rsv, and others viruses in a very public place. My own son's (and my own) wellbeing were both compromised when I was forced into an unnessecary cesarean section that caused a list of health problems for me. I can't garantee that if he had been born at home we'd both be in perfect condition of course. But I can't say it goes both ways.