2 posts tagged “god”

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  (please forgive all the typos and run on sentences, I'm a wee bit medicated on sudafed. I gave in and took it b/c I am SO congested with a nasty cold i suddenly developed late last evening!)
  
  Christmas thoughts in review:
  
  we had a few goals this year. We decided to focus on a much more religious and tradition based Christmas, having decided that traditions (if used properly) are an invaluable way of teaching and giving stability to a family. are goal was to add a few things for the next few Christmases, eventually settling down into a nice tradition. it takes a while to figure out what works and what doesn't. here is our list with some of my thoughts on it:
  
  

  30 day of advent activies:
  in review it was just too much. even the kids (who LOVE this sort of thing) we clearly getting too much and their attention was drying up. little kids have little attention so I need to keep that in mind. I think we will do perhaps 2 things per week next time. I want them to be able to focus and enjoy learning and crafting etc... not thinking "not again!".
  
  Chrismon Tree:
  total hit! However the kids got a little bored with coloring them everyday. well actually Eli loved it, but Eva got kinda off... she would forget what she was doing and start drawing instead ect. maybe next time we will do one per kid every other day. so it's like 20 ornaments total and not like 40. again, I think it was in danger of losing it's special meaning by becoming monotonous. It was easy to start topics about God/Jesus/Holy Spirit and the nativity etc when each symbols means something. Most of t was over Eva's head but that is fine. she will get the hang of it.
  
  Daily Bible readings in relationship to/gearing up for the Nativity:
  I never got to do it like I wanted b/c our family went through that bought of sickness and someone was always sick. Sean was quite sick. this one I want to plan ahead better on next year so it's not so last minute.  We talked a lot, and read a little. but not in a scheduled way like I was hoping.
  
  Christmas singing:
  we do sing a lot in this family. it's important to me. I can't sing worth beans, but Sean is a musical talent so he makes up for it. what I lack in talent I try to make up for in joy heh. But we was super sick with that cold, and usually we sing at night before bed. it was hard b/c by then we were so tired and his voice so sore. it's not the same when daddy doesn't sing too. BUT, we really like this and it will always be one of our traditions.
  
  Christmas Tree decoration:
  love it. I know some of different feelings about it... but we REALLY enjoyed the family event of getting it and putting it up together.
  
  Christmas eve/day Nativity reading:
  never happened. we found it immensely difficult to start this tradition with others in the house. since they had other plans it just kept going that way. hmm... next time we will plan better on how to make this happen for sure. even though we talked about and learned about the Nativity all through the season, it almost seemed lost on Christmas day. Plus there were no church services on either Christmas even or day, which we had planned on. It was hard for me to even remember the right spirit of it. Not that I had a bad spirit.... I mean it was all about family togetherness and everything lol. but I still wanted a slightly higher priority, if you know what I mean.
  

  
  That was the new things we tried to incorporate. I'm happy with our progress thus far. I hope next year will give a sense of new traditions and firm it up a bit. 
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Pictures to come soon =)

or rather, where have I been?

well, we only have the one computer now. and we make a concerted effort for neither of us (Sean nor myself) to be on the computer too often or for too long. we spend more time as a family and as a couple. we've always spent family time but "couple time" is strangely new. I have become keenly aware of how little time we spent together alone. or even kinda alone (like sitting next to each other while the kids play). it's sad how having a family can tear apart closeness like that.

every evening we do something together. watch a video (we don't have a tv feed anymore), read, sit around... sometimes even folding laundry or cleaning the house. wow what a change! and now we go to bed together. I was awful about that. I get so overstimulated during the day I like my alone time. I'm a people person... but i also need space everyday somewhere in there to think... I'm a thinker. but i try to find alone time elsewhere and go to bed with Sean. I had a bad habit of spending hours on the computer or tv.

who knew? but, living life in real life takes a surprising amount of time! and I find little to blog or much else. heh.

Last night I was praying to God about some things I've been going through and I stumbled on to Ecclesiastes. it spoke to my very soul... esp these verses:

 ( I'm using the KJV here as even though I usually use the Tanakh when reading the old testament,  I only have my KJV handy. I use the KJ for the new testament as I think it's the best version to do the job thus far.)

and to think time and again people have tried to get rid of Ecclesiastes! what an inspiring book! my heart was somehow lifted up by this as much as it was discouraged. these are the words of a man... not directly from God. but from a man who wanted to know and honor and obey God. he was confused. in a way many people are. in a way I am. just in different circumstances. and to think, I look back at these books sometimes and think "what do I have in common with these people?" and yet I do. I do! human feelings are all connected. and right now i totally dig what he was saying. he is confused about life. when and how to have joy in a depraved place being a depraved person. it feels pointless to try sometimes. b/c it's hard to understand and so few do. even those who achieve understanding only find they know less than they could ever imagine. no wonder people flock towards stupidity!! it's so much easier to live as an idiot! it's hard to think for ones self. it takes patience and endurance and lots of time to think and pray. and frankly it's just a lot more fun to not worry about it at all.

so I guess I need to figure out how to ask God for wisdom on any given subject and how to have peace about it too. b/c right now... I just don't.  the more i learn the more discontent i am in this world. and maybe in the long term that is good... but I have the short term to think of too!

I finally realize this - there is no safe point in life. no point where things finally come together for good. things finally "make sense" and all work out beautifully. there is no key to the perfect life. life is HARD. hard. always hard. sprinkled with joy, sorrow, pain, envy, depression, sickness, and turmoil. there is no point we reach where we look back and think "whew the hard part is over!". and that is something i never realized. I never understood. life just isn't ever going to be easy going. I will never be smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, or peaceful enough. I will always have to have God hold my hand and take my through the scry parts of life kicking and screaming. perhaps I will attain more patience and endurance but i have a feeling I will only be tested and pushed again.

the daily christian life I read and witness doesn't show this. if gives us a false sense of security in this life. that God wants us "happy" and "well taken care of". but I honestly believe this is the last thing on his mind. I feel He cares deeply for us, but like a good parent often knows us best in a way that we will never understand. He is more concerned with our souls, than our wants. more concerned with our wellbeing than our financial security and yet, from time to time He shows immense empathy and love for us in the smallest of ways. brightens our days. sends us rainbows and promises of love and joy.

I remember once hearing someone pray: