60 posts tagged “doula blog”

so we went out to eat at a small diner nearby our house. (we have the be very selective to find GF options around here! but we were able to narrow down a few places with a few meals -with minor adjustments of course- where we cant eat.) anyhow we're all looking at what we want for dinner off the menus and Eva says "mom look I drew you name".

now she says this a lot actually. usually it's some silly scribble that she is veyr proud of. circles and lines and what not. to which I say "good job! keep practicing!" and she beams with pride. so in auto-pilot-mothering-mode I turned and said "great job....."  no wait! she had written my name! oh my goodnes!

right in front of her on the scribble paper menu thingy they give in classy restaurants like local diners where the letters:

M O M

yep. mom.

she remembered from last week when I told her how to spell it. (she aska  billion times a day how to spell all sorts of words, but as she's still learning what letters are what this rarely goes anywhere. she just enjoys asking!)

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she just said to me as I type this...

"mom, I really really want this peice of chocolate" *big sigh*

and she was so cute I said "ok you can have it".

"for real, mom? are you sure?"  (long pause of disbelief)

"mom, can I really have it? are you only kidding? Can I really put it in my mouth and eat it???"

"yes, honey, I said it was fine. go ahead, eat it (just don't make me regret it!)"

and she smiles this mischeivious smile and puts it in her mouth in pure childhood delight.

So exactly how bad a mom am I that b/c I SO rarely allow my kids candy that they stare in disbelief when I grant them permission to eat it?

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ok one more Eva-ism b/c I don't want to forget it....

(I'm terribly long winded, so forgive how long the pre-story is to this tiny little story)

Eva is very curious about things other people do that she (or our family) don't do.... and vice versa.

in our house we don't celebrate halloween. she wants to know why. I could go into the theological arguments of why we have decided against it (which btw aren't b/c "it started as a pagan holiday"... but that it a WHOLE other post) but she was 3 after all. simple is better sometimes. a lot of the times actually - evenw ith adults.

so I just explained that some people celebrate different holidays. in our house we don't celebrate halloween, but the neighbors do. it's fine what they do, but we don't. that's all. (I'm not trying to build an anti-halloween army here...)

so she thinks about this and is settled. she asks about a few more holidays and what not. she asks what "jewish" means b/c Sean and I were talking about a jewish friend and chanakah and we explained about it. "why can't we celebrate chanakah?" was of course the next question. I just explained that it wasn't a holiday we celebrated but some of our friends do... so in simple terms I explained the holiday and about the lights. she wanted in on that! (she loves anything candle related - that's a big fascination for her right now)

totally different note - we have a rule in our house. we don't say "stupid". well the kids don't. I slip and do say it sometimes. b/c frankly some things ARE stupid. but.... this too easily becomes a name to call one another and it's hurtful to be called "stupid" by another person - even your little sister so it's a no no in our house. she often reminds me if I slip and use the word stupid to describe my feelings about oh... how the GPS is trying to take us into town some random way with closed roads etc... she's quick to remidn me that "we don't say stupid, mom!"

one day after saying it she says "mom, why does the neighbor call me stupid?". and I say maybe his mom didn't teach him better. and that she should remember how hurtful it feels to be called stupid and not say it back. she thinks very thoguhtfully over this and says:

"or... maybe in their house the celebrate "stupid" but we don't in our house."

I LOVE her logic hahaha

I am so sick today. It's moved mostly from my head to my chest. complicated by the fact that I have asthma, it's turning into bronchitis. bleh. so I've been on my normal remedies. the annoying thing is that there is a huge difference between  remedies for bronchitis and remedies for acute asthma attacks. trying to find one for bronchitis for people with asthma is actually difficult! heh. but since I've had this most of my life I've got my own things that work well from trial and error....

• warm tea. NO cold drinks. none. whatsoever.
• warm foods - no cold foods.
  
• no dairy AT ALL
• chicken soup
• eucalyptus in various forms
• rest - not moving around too much
• sleeping sitting up (I HATE this one, but if I lay down I will end up in the ER being too short of breath)
• nebulizer treatments (which I don't have right now b/c I rarely get this sick anymore... so I'm trying to deal with it without it)
• lots of vitamin C
  

I've tried various other remedies but these are the handful that work best for me. I'm sad that my family is stuck home from the New Years Eve festivities... but as soon as they cold air hits my lungs I can't breath. Same happens to Eli... so we're sitting this year out. maybe I will be well enough to get out some tomorrow.

for now, I'm lazy and haven't done a thing all day. every time I attempt a chore I end up wheezing and panting trying to catch my breath so I gave up. It's not worth ending up in the hospital over.

I feel so wretched with this cold I have developed. or flu or whatever. I can't sleep b/c my throat hurts too much and I keep coughing. bleh. so I finally took some sudafed yesterday and some just now. I don't like taking it as it messes with the nervous system so much. I get all irritable and wanna cry. sometimes I even feel raging!! so I avoid it always unless it's completely nessecary. Ever see a grown woman have an emotional break down? it ain't pretty and that's me on sudafed! learned that the hard way... I also worry about how it effects baby. everything i read says it's fine in small doses when needed, but if it effects me this much (and both of my kids) how can it not effect the baby? after taking it the baby starts bouncing around like crazy - which makes me all the more nervous!

anyhow I feel like I have glue for snot and my head feels like my brain is going to swell and pop through my skull. Luckily Sean's been taking care of me.

I've eaten a TON of homemade chicken soup (my best remedy), vitamin C, green and chamomile teas, some eggs, and water. and motrin b/c it hurts too bad to even sleep! Sean has made me food, gotten me tea, and just been a sweet guy all around. I think he has extra sympathy having just got past that terrible chest cold he had for 2.5 weeks!

35 mins away there was an earthquake. we never felt a thing. it was small, but enough to rattle some pots and pans and what not nearby the area. In this area we can handle blizzards, snow, ice, freezing rain and evenr drought. but earthquakes? that's a new one!

the funniest thing I ever read (go read it) about the earthquake and one guy's experience.

(yep, apparently he felt it in his butt. and it vibrated. nice. forever he will be the guy who said that one! maybe he was old and didn't know better? i hope...)

I realized I have severely neglected this blog. when I got pregnant I guess I was too tired to deal with it? I have a very personal blog, but only a handful of mommy friends read it. lots of it is private. But i have posted a few public things recently so I figured I'd add them here to play catch up. I adjusted the date to reflect when I wrote them. I meant to add them here to begin with, I just always forget I guess.

I'm also toying with the idea of blogging a specific pregnancy blog to update about how me and baby are doing. a bit of a journal to record everything i might want for future reference. it was good idea Sean had. Maybe I will do it. but it would have to be protected to some degree, because some birthy/mothery things nobody wants to read about lol (well except maybe other birthy/mothery people!) I don't think you can do this on vox, can you? I will check it out... I should probably get around to it, as i'm 24 weeks now! I'll just back-post some stuff I already wrote down elsewhere so I can keep it all in one place. easier to reference that way.

my biggest excitement (well aside from the baby that is heh) is that I've gained only 11-12 lbs so far!
ok see, I have always had VERY bad hyperemesis gravidrum with my pregnancies. In the past I lost 30 and 24 lbs respectively. yeah. scary, and quite painful. for those of you who aren't familiar with HG, it isn't morning sickness. it isn't queasiness. it's a liver problem that causes your body to produce copeous amounts of bile causing constant puking no matter what you try. there is no stopping it aside from meds or pretreatment. well this time a good friend who has HG with her pregnancies recommended some treatments for me to try (wish I had tried BEFORE I got pregnant... but you know, no little angel came to me in the night to let me in on the future lol so it was a surprise - a good one, but a surprise) anyhow she did a liver support regimine. she said it helped her so much she only had a bit of normal morning sickness, but no HG. When I was pregnant the last two times I searched and searched for this info everywhere! I spent hours reading about it but never saw these things. (for what it worth HG can also be caused by a stomach bacteria called H. pylori, I but I got tested for that right away b/c I wanted to rule it out - that usually needs antibiotics but some hve sucess with probiotic and diet change) anyhow I started right away taking Dandelion root, milk thistle, probiotics, and kept on with my cod liver oil (which is mostly a help if you take it long term before pregnancy - and I have for nearly 4 yrs). I still developed HG this time around. my body simple didn't have enough time to purge prepregnancy what it needed so the liver support only helped so much once my pregnancy hormones peeked. But I was so careful and Sean took such incredible care of me, that I was able to keep the weight loss down to a mere 10 lbs... which I gained back by my 12-13th week. I was still quit sick. actually I was sick longer than the last two pregnancies. but the weight loss was much more reasonable. and now? my body isn't in starvation mode. last night, as soon as the HG started to subside a bit, I would be STARVING and my body would pack on lbs and lbs trying to regain the weight and nutrient loss. in my first pregnancy I lost 30lbs then at 5 months I was feeling better and able to keep good down and I gained all of my weight back, PLUS 30 lbs. yep, in about 6 weeks I gained a LOT of weight. and I wasn't doing anything tocause it. I mean really, who can eat 60lbs worth of extra fat in 6 weeks? I couldn't do it if I tried. by the end of that pregnancy I had lost 30 lbs, gained it back and then gained an extra 65 lbs!!! It set me up for all sorts of pregnancy and post partm problems. high blood pressure, toxemia, extreme difficulty losing weight post partum, depression, high blood sugar, GD... just terrible.

so I'm praying b/c I was so very careful this time around I wont gain weight like that. sure, there is vanity involved. I don't want to be bigger. true. but really? I just don't want the terrible physical and mental preprocussions of extremely fast wieght loss and weight gain. it took me nearly 4 yrs to get it under semi control after Eva's birth.

funny, I went to the hospial and many OBs to help me with my HG/liver problems and not one ever mentioned this. they put me on all sorts of antiemetics and tried to shove prenatals down my throat (right... I can't keep water down but I'm going to manage a horse pill?) I'm so aggrivated honestly. out of all the very experienced and well taught doctors I saw not one had helpful advice? not one mentioned perhaps it was a liver issue? *sigh*. I'm depressed I feel my body went through that for no reason. it's always dangerous for the baby! so as you can see this is one more reason I don't want to deal with OBs, I'm kinda concerned they don't always know what they are doing with the simpler things. now, nobody can handle a scalpel like an OB! if I ever needed a c/s, I'd know where to turn! (really my section scar is so tiny - it was clearly a professional at work! I never had a single issue with it's healing. I would shake hands with my OB over that one anytime.) but not one of the MANY OBs I saw with in two pregnancies gave me a lick of good advise when it came to HG, blood pressure management, toxemia, and GD. so far it looks like I'm doing pretty well myself. ;)  so I am very pleased. Sean even sees the difference in me. not just weight, but health wise. he says he feels so much better about having this baby at home and having good midwives I can call for advise if any pregnancy situtation is out of my league.  I've never seen him so at easy with any of my previous pregnancies.

Bottom line, there are no guarantees in life. there are no guarantees that if I do everything right that it will turn out fabulous. This baby is in God's hands. this life if His to give and take away when He sees fit, and now more than ever i recognize and am in awe of that. I respect that. I have deep respect for it really. I know it is my job to do everything i know how and everything i can to keep this baby health and growing well. If I see danger i turn the other way. if I find something that will help baby I run to it. regardless of the "norm". (since when do christians care about the "norm" anyhow? we have a higher priority!) I want to give this little one the very best start I can. I want a healthy baby and a healthy mom to take care of that baby. I desire this baby to be given a foundation of health I wasn't able to provide for my last two. I want to honor god with this precious life He has given to me. In all my beliefs about how much healthier i am being, and how much healthier homebirth is... when it comes down to it, it's still in God's hands. the health, well being and outcome of this pregnancy, birth, and entire life of this Child are up to Him to design. I am merely a vessel. I am in awe if that fact. the creation of life simply miraculous!
 

ok so for whatever reasons my photos aren't uploading. whatever. Sean can figure it out in 1- seconds when he wakes up. apparently I have become old and far behind the times computer wise. there was once upon a time I knew a LOT more than the average joe... or jane? anyhow, now? my dad knows more than I. big time. He has one of those crazy digital everythingbutthekitchensink phones. I can't even answer the stupid thing! How did this happen? hw did the guy who I had to teach the difference between email and instant messaging become so much more advanced than I am?

I will tell you this. The whole world would have to turn upside down before I EVER start texting as my main means of communication. I find that the most annoying habit in the entire world. and i will NEVER (short of losing the functioning ability of both of my arms) own a headset phone thingy. and if I did lose functioning of my arms and needed one, I promise that I will NOT walk around the grocery store, walmart, target, the park or any other PUBLIC setting and have private phone conversations at a very loud decible. Because that freaks me out every.single.time.

I am such an old lady all of the sudden. I'm going to start carrying a heavy hand bag so I can hit young people who get i my way on the side walk and call them "hoodlums".

wait didn't I have a point to this post???? ......... oh yeah. I found this picture of Eva from a few weeks ago and i had to post it. it just sums up "Eva" to me. one giant goofy, grinny, silly child. =)

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  (please forgive all the typos and run on sentences, I'm a wee bit medicated on sudafed. I gave in and took it b/c I am SO congested with a nasty cold i suddenly developed late last evening!)
  
  Christmas thoughts in review:
  
  we had a few goals this year. We decided to focus on a much more religious and tradition based Christmas, having decided that traditions (if used properly) are an invaluable way of teaching and giving stability to a family. are goal was to add a few things for the next few Christmases, eventually settling down into a nice tradition. it takes a while to figure out what works and what doesn't. here is our list with some of my thoughts on it:
  
  

  30 day of advent activies:
  in review it was just too much. even the kids (who LOVE this sort of thing) we clearly getting too much and their attention was drying up. little kids have little attention so I need to keep that in mind. I think we will do perhaps 2 things per week next time. I want them to be able to focus and enjoy learning and crafting etc... not thinking "not again!".
  
  Chrismon Tree:
  total hit! However the kids got a little bored with coloring them everyday. well actually Eli loved it, but Eva got kinda off... she would forget what she was doing and start drawing instead ect. maybe next time we will do one per kid every other day. so it's like 20 ornaments total and not like 40. again, I think it was in danger of losing it's special meaning by becoming monotonous. It was easy to start topics about God/Jesus/Holy Spirit and the nativity etc when each symbols means something. Most of t was over Eva's head but that is fine. she will get the hang of it.
  
  Daily Bible readings in relationship to/gearing up for the Nativity:
  I never got to do it like I wanted b/c our family went through that bought of sickness and someone was always sick. Sean was quite sick. this one I want to plan ahead better on next year so it's not so last minute.  We talked a lot, and read a little. but not in a scheduled way like I was hoping.
  
  Christmas singing:
  we do sing a lot in this family. it's important to me. I can't sing worth beans, but Sean is a musical talent so he makes up for it. what I lack in talent I try to make up for in joy heh. But we was super sick with that cold, and usually we sing at night before bed. it was hard b/c by then we were so tired and his voice so sore. it's not the same when daddy doesn't sing too. BUT, we really like this and it will always be one of our traditions.
  
  Christmas Tree decoration:
  love it. I know some of different feelings about it... but we REALLY enjoyed the family event of getting it and putting it up together.
  
  Christmas eve/day Nativity reading:
  never happened. we found it immensely difficult to start this tradition with others in the house. since they had other plans it just kept going that way. hmm... next time we will plan better on how to make this happen for sure. even though we talked about and learned about the Nativity all through the season, it almost seemed lost on Christmas day. Plus there were no church services on either Christmas even or day, which we had planned on. It was hard for me to even remember the right spirit of it. Not that I had a bad spirit.... I mean it was all about family togetherness and everything lol. but I still wanted a slightly higher priority, if you know what I mean.
  

  
  That was the new things we tried to incorporate. I'm happy with our progress thus far. I hope next year will give a sense of new traditions and firm it up a bit. 
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Pictures to come soon =)

I still have to upload pictures. but my camera was about dead so i'm charging it first. I am scared I will forget to otherwise!

we had a fabulous day yesterday. I really enjoyed it and I think everyone else did too. just calm and relaxing and hanging out together. I had some serious tummy trouble so that kinda was a bummer... but my dad? he got on some kinda hyper-manic food making craze. my dad rarely cooks - but he really can if he wants to. he made the turkey, sweet potatoes, cranberries and helped with mashed potatoes. my goodness I don't know what possessed him but i was so glad it did! I was feeling quite under the weather so I was able to just sit still a lot. I cooked sauteed onions, collard greens and mashed potatoes, so it was all yummy foods!

I have to stay away from sugar big time now. GD is clearly making it's presence known in a big way! if I have sugar I get an instant migraine (the really blinding kind) and I seriously all but pee sugar. (TMI, I'm sure...) it's been very difficult for me with all the goodies of sugar. I didn't cook one single dessert yesterday b/c I couldn't bare not eating it. but I did sneak some chocolate and I paid the price heavily. When my dad is gone I'm throwing out all the candy he has around here! (he always brings candy, and i have some hidden in my cupboards for when I get a sweet craving... but right now I can't give it at all really so out of site out of mind. b/c it being there just makes me want it that much worse!) I heart dark chocolate, btw. really... something about this pregnancy makes me crave it so much! like it's a major food group. the other junk I can live with out, that one is going to be tough. maybe since it's high in fat and low on the GI index, I could sneak it occasionally? everyoe asks me why not go to the doctor about it. well I would if I couldn't handle it. if it got so bad it needed extra attention, I certainly would b/c it can be dangerous for baby. But having had it before (and having many clients who had it too) the only thing they will do is test my blood sugar to confirm (can do that myself with my glucose monitor) and tell me to eat low carb/low sugar and up my protien. and then report back to them if it's not working. kinda seems a very unnessecary step to me! I don't like exposing myself and the baby to germs of the doctors and hospitals unless the benefits outweight the risk. I am finding that 90% of things (yes that's totally my guesstimation) that come up in our lives, just need a bit of thought, prayer and a good dose of common sense. that would save us all a lot in doctor's bills and free them up for when we really need their help! b/c when you are really sick or in urgent need, wow do you need a doctor asap, you know?

when I'm off of sugar I feel pretty decent. not nearly as nauseous as I used to be. but I have to eat protein every 2 hr or I get the same symptoms! I have started eating something small before I notice I am hungry, and that seems to really help. I still take dandelion root every day. that stuff has been my saving grace. it's cut my stomach and liver issues in half! I take zantac too when I have to... but I try to avoid it. and benedryl b/c of my allergies at night. but i only take like half a pill a day.

I did something kinda stupid though. I forgot to buy enough breakfast for all of us for this week/weekend. I only had enough for a BIG brunch yesterday. now? all we have is turkey, and those leftovers. not even bread! and a box of rice chex. The former I just can't stomach at 8am, and the latter is too much sugar/simple carbs. So I'm doing what any decent mother would do. eating frozen french friends. well I cooked them of course heh. it's still a simple carb, but it has a little more to it than rice chex. then later I'll heat up the turkey. just need to prime up my stomach, as my husband always says heh. pathetic, I know!

My blood pressure has been good. I haven't checked it in a while, but when my blood pressure goes up it's clear. I feel it all over. swelling, puffy face, racing thoughts, headache, red face... ect. I'm going to check it at a local store soon just so I can put it on record. But i know it's good. after 28 yrs in this body I'd starting to get the hang of it heh.

I'm starting to really get in the swing of things for this upcoming birth. getting all my birth gear ready. I have a few good homebirth friends sending me fun stuff in the mail and then I'm slowly building up my stocks of herbs and goodies. I wish beyond wish I could afford a birthing tub!! I would love to labour in water like that. the bouyancy of it sound fabulous (I'm a very water therapy kinda girl) but they are expensive! and I would feel terrible if I spent all that money then the labour went so fast I never got a chance to use it, you know? so for now it's not an option and i doubt it will be. oh well. no biggie.... kinda funny to think about. at home yu can birth in water. in the hospital you have to fight to even be "allowed" to drink it! heh. what a joke!

I'm hoping everyone had a wonderful holiday yesterday! (it's neat that Chanakah and Christmas overlap this year, isn't it? I have so many friends that celebrate one, the other or both!)

the kids are playing a game Eva got called "gone fishing". it's that cheapo thing with the little fish and you try to catch them (as if the title didn't give it away!)... they are having a blast!

Well I'm 21 weeks along now. getting fat and uncomfortable. but I should know better than to claim that at a mere 5 months! if I'm uncomfortable now, I will be miserable by 8 months!

this baby kicks more at 5 months than the other two. it will be quiet... so very quiet for hours. and I will actually think "wow that baby is quite right now". and then it hits 9pm and kaboom! I'm being kicked every bit as hard as when I was 8 months along with my others.

Sean calls the baby "the twins". not b/c I'm having twins, but b/c it freaks me out. having twins isn't a bad thing, surely. but it's just too much of a good thing I think heh. I would love any amount of babies i get, but it's my sincere wish to only have 1 at a time. I told Sean if I had two, one is going to be completely his. heh. he can mother that one, b/c mothering one newborn at a time is hard enough work! ;)

I'm finally off of most of my meds but I still take dandelion root everyday. I tried weaning off but my stomach was NOT happy. I have reflux as all sorts of other nasty symptoms. ick. so back on that I went. but that's ok. it's really the unisom that bothers me. I mean it is a sleeping medicine, so it has that pesky side effects of making you sleeping. 3 times a day? and then I have the personality of a cardboard box, really. but now I just take it like every other night or so. this is the longest I've ever been on meds. I was off by 15 weeks with both of the other two.

it's hard for me to realize this baby will actually be born. with Eli and Eva everything was exciting and new and "wow I'm going to have a baby". but this time I'm busy with mothering the two I have that I tend to think of pregnancy as some kinda permanent condition, often not thinking I only have 4-ish months left until I'm a mother of 3. 3! now this is no biggie for someone who is already a mother of 3... but it's my first time, so excuse me while I adjust to it a bit.  am I excited? yes! am I looking fwd to meeting this new one? yep! am I totally loving every single second of being a mom of two until this ne one comes? certainly am! I remember after havign Eva I realized i should have enjoyed being a mother of 1 while it was that way... but i was so excited about the new one coming it's all I could think of. now? I'm just taking it day by day.

my mom got the baby a ton of clothes from the thrift store. some brand new! boys and girls clothing b/c I don't know what I'm having. total score! I've been working on washing them and setting them aside. this baby wont have a nursery, atleast not at first, just a cradle and crib in our bedroom. and probably a dresser. so i don't have much set up there! I need a carseat, and dresser, and a few other things. ok actually a lot of things. I need a swing too (one baby gadget I don't want to live without!), a baby carrier (ergo, perhaps?) cloth diapers (probably prefolds and fuzzi bunz), spit up rags (cheapo gerber prefolds work well), crib for our room, more baby clothing, baby bunting/light coat/swaddling wrap, etc etc etc. is it wrong to have a baby shower with your 3rd child? tacky? well I'm hoping someone out there doesn't think so! b/c it's been 4.5 years since my last and we don't have a thing left from that except a 4.5 yr old girl =P

ok this is the part where i get a little panicky realizing i have a lot to do and aquire before this baby comes. lol. but luckily I don't have to worry about anything hospital related. no registrations or packing a duffle bag, or OB appointments. nope none of that. because we're having this one at home. ahhh what relief! takes a lot of your mind. worrying about making it to the hospital in time. and frankly riding in the car when you're contracting every 3 minutes is a nightmare! I'm looking fwd to labouring and birthing at home. no annoying nurses to hook me up to stupid monitors that go "PING". (sorry- that was a monty python reference there...) no IVs. no person telling me I'm labouring incorrectly (as if there is such a thing!) and nobody to bother me. love it! my eyes were opened when I started attending hospital births and homebirths. the difference!! the baby comes out so calm and attentive at home. healthy looking. like they just are like "hey mom and day. nice to meet ya". no one to poke them with a hep vax in their first hour of life. (I mean freaking, really... how is an hr old newborn going to contract Hep B!?) and no one to threaten you with cesareans when you "take too long". really? too long? how about I'll tell you when it's been too long and we'll take it from there? sheesh!

ok call me a little cynical. (or a lot). but I am so done with hospitals. would I go if something were medically wrong? sure I would! but pregnany and birthing are not medical conditions. and they aren't even illnesses. ;)  Believe it or not, I'm pretty well educated on it. working as a doula, childbirth educator and instructer of a birthing circle for several years - I've managed to learn a thing or two about pregnancy, birth, and post partum periods. but you know what's help me learn the most valuable stuff? just being a human being. female. yep. just realizing God created me a woman and He's pretty smart. knowing that God is in control of every single life. the author of every book. that knowledge  - as simple as it sounds - has more value to it then any degree I could put behind my name. go figure! that little simplistic knowledge could save us all lots of money and worry. 

***disclaimer, I have nothing against people choosing hospital births! to each their own!! I stand behind anyone's educated decision. but my educated decisions is not a hospital. I've tried it twice and didn't like it either time. it got a fair shake from me. for what it's worth I also don't like the state of Ohio, but if you wanna live there, be my guest! more power to ya =P

****secondary disclaimer. if you're thinking "but don't you know babies die at home!?" or "that is a very dangerous idea..." or  "I knew a lady and her baby turned our brain dead b/c she was born at home..." or  any other such thing. please, before you comment or jump to that conclusion take into consideration three things:

sorry for being a bit MIA!

life has been busy busy busy. (isn't it always?) well more so than normal. and complicated. it good ways mostly though.

I am 18.5 weeks along. and STILL sick!! arg. but definitely better. I'm still on meds to keep it under control but I hope to be off of them soon. I will continue to take herbs probably through out.

we're doing good in PA. money is about non-existent. but i realize a lot of my friends are in that boat too. so while it's a crappy boat to be in, it's not all together lonely hehe. I hate money. or it hates me maybe. it's bittersweet like that.

Sean likes his job which is always a good thing! he can work from home some of the time which we all love. it's so nice to see him sitting at the desk as we go on about our day. it feels familiar and right. it's just how we all function best it seems. we're work from home kinda people. no money in the world could take the place of that one!

we haven't found a home church yet. still looking. lots of nice people here, but i haven't made any true friends yet. lots of nice acquaintances though. people from a local church helped us out SO much by bringing us meals while I was really ill. what a wonderful help that was!! I am forever thankful =) there isn't always the perfect way to say "thank you" but I will never forget their kindness. I don't know what we would have done otherwise.

it is snowing today. flurries right now, but I wonder what else is to come. it's only November 20th!! our first snow (though it didn't stick) was November 18th. that's the earliest snow I've ever seen I think!

I wont be doing any doula work for quite some time. none while pregnant or with a newborn. and we will just see where it goes after that. family life is my first priority and i like it that way. right now I have no sitters to watch while i'm with a mom anyhow, so it wouldn't even be possible. Sean's job is flexible for sure, but he still has to actually work heh.