neglected blog and more pregnancy updates...

I realized I have severely neglected this blog. when I got pregnant I guess I was too tired to deal with it? I have a very personal blog, but only a handful of mommy friends read it. lots of it is private. But i have posted a few public things recently so I figured I'd add them here to play catch up. I adjusted the date to reflect when I wrote them. I meant to add them here to begin with, I just always forget I guess.

I'm also toying with the idea of blogging a specific pregnancy blog to update about how me and baby are doing. a bit of a journal to record everything i might want for future reference. it was good idea Sean had. Maybe I will do it. but it would have to be protected to some degree, because some birthy/mothery things nobody wants to read about lol (well except maybe other birthy/mothery people!) I don't think you can do this on vox, can you? I will check it out... I should probably get around to it, as i'm 24 weeks now! I'll just back-post some stuff I already wrote down elsewhere so I can keep it all in one place. easier to reference that way.

my biggest excitement (well aside from the baby that is heh) is that I've gained only 11-12 lbs so far!
ok see, I have always had VERY bad hyperemesis gravidrum with my pregnancies. In the past I lost 30 and 24 lbs respectively. yeah. scary, and quite painful. for those of you who aren't familiar with HG, it isn't morning sickness. it isn't queasiness. it's a liver problem that causes your body to produce copeous amounts of bile causing constant puking no matter what you try. there is no stopping it aside from meds or pretreatment. well this time a good friend who has HG with her pregnancies recommended some treatments for me to try (wish I had tried BEFORE I got pregnant... but you know, no little angel came to me in the night to let me in on the future lol so it was a surprise - a good one, but a surprise) anyhow she did a liver support regimine. she said it helped her so much she only had a bit of normal morning sickness, but no HG. When I was pregnant the last two times I searched and searched for this info everywhere! I spent hours reading about it but never saw these things. (for what it worth HG can also be caused by a stomach bacteria called H. pylori, I but I got tested for that right away b/c I wanted to rule it out - that usually needs antibiotics but some hve sucess with probiotic and diet change) anyhow I started right away taking Dandelion root, milk thistle, probiotics, and kept on with my cod liver oil (which is mostly a help if you take it long term before pregnancy - and I have for nearly 4 yrs). I still developed HG this time around. my body simple didn't have enough time to purge prepregnancy what it needed so the liver support only helped so much once my pregnancy hormones peeked. But I was so careful and Sean took such incredible care of me, that I was able to keep the weight loss down to a mere 10 lbs... which I gained back by my 12-13th week. I was still quit sick. actually I was sick longer than the last two pregnancies. but the weight loss was much more reasonable. and now? my body isn't in starvation mode. last night, as soon as the HG started to subside a bit, I would be STARVING and my body would pack on lbs and lbs trying to regain the weight and nutrient loss. in my first pregnancy I lost 30lbs then at 5 months I was feeling better and able to keep good down and I gained all of my weight back, PLUS 30 lbs. yep, in about 6 weeks I gained a LOT of weight. and I wasn't doing anything tocause it. I mean really, who can eat 60lbs worth of extra fat in 6 weeks? I couldn't do it if I tried. by the end of that pregnancy I had lost 30 lbs, gained it back and then gained an extra 65 lbs!!! It set me up for all sorts of pregnancy and post partm problems. high blood pressure, toxemia, extreme difficulty losing weight post partum, depression, high blood sugar, GD... just terrible.

so I'm praying b/c I was so very careful this time around I wont gain weight like that. sure, there is vanity involved. I don't want to be bigger. true. but really? I just don't want the terrible physical and mental preprocussions of extremely fast wieght loss and weight gain. it took me nearly 4 yrs to get it under semi control after Eva's birth.

funny, I went to the hospial and many OBs to help me with my HG/liver problems and not one ever mentioned this. they put me on all sorts of antiemetics and tried to shove prenatals down my throat (right... I can't keep water down but I'm going to manage a horse pill?) I'm so aggrivated honestly. out of all the very experienced and well taught doctors I saw not one had helpful advice? not one mentioned perhaps it was a liver issue? *sigh*. I'm depressed I feel my body went through that for no reason. it's always dangerous for the baby! so as you can see this is one more reason I don't want to deal with OBs, I'm kinda concerned they don't always know what they are doing with the simpler things. now, nobody can handle a scalpel like an OB! if I ever needed a c/s, I'd know where to turn! (really my section scar is so tiny - it was clearly a professional at work! I never had a single issue with it's healing. I would shake hands with my OB over that one anytime.) but not one of the MANY OBs I saw with in two pregnancies gave me a lick of good advise when it came to HG, blood pressure management, toxemia, and GD. so far it looks like I'm doing pretty well myself. ;)  so I am very pleased. Sean even sees the difference in me. not just weight, but health wise. he says he feels so much better about having this baby at home and having good midwives I can call for advise if any pregnancy situtation is out of my league.  I've never seen him so at easy with any of my previous pregnancies.

Bottom line, there are no guarantees in life. there are no guarantees that if I do everything right that it will turn out fabulous. This baby is in God's hands. this life if His to give and take away when He sees fit, and now more than ever i recognize and am in awe of that. I respect that. I have deep respect for it really. I know it is my job to do everything i know how and everything i can to keep this baby health and growing well. If I see danger i turn the other way. if I find something that will help baby I run to it. regardless of the "norm". (since when do christians care about the "norm" anyhow? we have a higher priority!) I want to give this little one the very best start I can. I want a healthy baby and a healthy mom to take care of that baby. I desire this baby to be given a foundation of health I wasn't able to provide for my last two. I want to honor god with this precious life He has given to me. In all my beliefs about how much healthier i am being, and how much healthier homebirth is... when it comes down to it, it's still in God's hands. the health, well being and outcome of this pregnancy, birth, and entire life of this Child are up to Him to design. I am merely a vessel. I am in awe if that fact. the creation of life simply miraculous!